View Sidebar
So there was an argument

So there was an argument

October 2, 2008 9:24 pm1 comment

I forget what it was initially about, really.

But she came into my room after, yelling, and I pushed her out.  Yes, hard.  No, I don’t think it was a hit, but I can see where someone would differ.

So the assessment made was that everyone in my life would be subject to the same sort of violence, including my daughter.

I’ve been so offended since, that I’d been deciding to leave these people out of my life.

Now that I’ve moved out, and I’ve had time away from these reminders, I try to talk about it.  Give it one last chance.

“You can see the logic behind what she said.”

Well, I guess.  But it’s wrong, still.  It’s taking one incident and applying it globally.  Which would mean that the person saying it has to apply all of their indiscretions in the same way, and there’s just as much bad in anyone’s history to make that deadly for those in their inner circle.

I know I’m wrong.  I know what anger is like, and that’s why I stop or leave.  If that option is gone, then what must the antagonist be at that point?  What is their fault?  What is mine?

I still make the distinction that my daughter is paramount, and treated differently.  That’s partially because I’ve raised her, I’ve talked to her, I deal with her.  Bad or good.  Not 24 hours a day, admittedly, but I have and can and sometimes do – as in now, when I’m there when she wakes up, to school and to home and all the activities between.

I’ve been hit in that very personal aspect.

I hate to think about it, but I’m always the one to back down and admit to fault, but nobody else does.

I want to be the charismastic bastard that can get away with hurting people, perhaps.

I just don’t have the personality for that.

I’d rather make amends.

But what sort can I?

Will anyone ever meet me halfway?

Even so.

I can see where I’m wrong, and I was.

But I think that, if someone can think that of me, regardless, what sort of relationship could I retain with them?  Knowing that I’m just an outburst away from being labeled a child-beater?

What do you do with those people?

Does this always exist?  Or do I need a new direction, and new friends?

This is sadness.  I can hardly see.

1 Comment

  • lamerfreak

    I can’t stop thinking about this.
    Women seem to be able to leave things behind – perhaps genetic, a mother’s instinct for preservation, but still.
    This is aching.
    I can’t think of a way to resolve this as friends.
    I should have, perhaps, just left it alone and never tried to initiate contact and attempt reconciliation in the first place (is that what it was).
    Can you live with a friend who may think the worst of you?
    Do you require loyalty and positivity?
    I’m usually an optimist in mind, but this has me stumped. I’d like to believe the best, but I have an overwhelming pain on this point.

Leave a reply